Pulling yourself through when you have to
I deserve a medal today for pulling myself up by my energetic bootstraps! I’ve had the worst month health wise. I had the flu which knocked me out for 5 days a few weeks ago and Sunday I woke up either with a re-occurrence of that flu or a new virus that had taken hold of my sinuses. Fever, chills and goop! Lovely. And I had a presentation today! I was excited to book a presentation on Hypnosis and Health at the Western College of Osteopathic Medicine of the Pacific. So today I woke up feeling like my mouth had been inside a box of kitty litter all night and my eyes mattered shut, I debated on whether I should call and cancel the presentation. I sat on the toilet (where I often do these sort of debates) listing why I should stay home: the flu or cold won’t get better if you don’t take care of yourself, they are medical students they will understand, can I even do the presentation justice with how I feel. Then there were the reasons I should go: when you book yourself as a professional speaker the show must go on unless you absolutely can’t, they will have a room full of people and no speaker, you’ll let them down.
As I sat quietly, the strong quiet voice said, “just go!” I decided to pull myself together as best as I could and trust that the adrenaline of doing the presentation would carry me through. So I drove off to Pomona with a hot cup of tea in my car. Coughing up smurfs as I drove. (I’m sorry if that is too graphic for you!) All the while praying for the energy and strength to do a good presentation to interest these young medical students in the power of the mind in health.
When I finished, I had good questions from the audience and several students who asked for business cards so I felt that although I wasn’t at peak form, I had done an okay presentation. But then came the icing on the cake–one of the professors asked if I would be interested in doing a research study on the effects of hypnosis with him at the school. I had to pinch myself to make sure I heard him right. He wants to work with me of snotty nose and runny eyes? He wants to work with me who felt like she was presenting at 30% of her capacity? WOW! Now I know why the universe wanted me to get up and fake the energy and enthusiasm when I didn’t feel I could. Something wonderful and exciting was waiting for me!
As humans we this amazing capacity to pull ourselves up and do things we don’t think we can do. Sometimes there is even an amazing payoff at the end. Sometimes we just exhaust ourselves by expecting too much and pushing too hard. I’ll be darned if I’ve figured out which is which. I still tend to be a person who will push herself and end up exhausted and frustrated. But today, I know I made the right decision so I’m asking for that medal!