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What’s the backstory, dude?
Published December 14, 2011 | Gosh, how time flies, right? ToughGuy has officially been home six months and sometimes it feels like he’s always been here, always been a part of our family. Other times I wonder how this alien being took a wrong turn and wandered into my house.
But tonight, I find myself physically aching over the loss of his first five years. The years that make him feel alien. Because I don’t know my ToughGuy’s story. The story of all his other days. His other steps, his other falls, his other excitements and his other tears. Kids need to hear their story, they crave it and ask for the stories over and over.
Because I’ve been so focused on the all consuming task of assimilating a new little dude into our home, I haven’t had time to even think about the years that we’ve missed. It’s a part of adopting an older child that I knew about with my head, but hadn’t felt with my heart.
I’ve been able to dismiss it with hardly a thought up to this point because we’ve been working on, ya know, important stuff like chewing with your mouth closed and that all the glue should really stay in the bottle. Oh, and learning a new language and starting school and not wiping my kisses off his mouth with the back of his hand.
Then, tonight while snuggling in bed with Monkey and ToughGuy on either side of me, we read a story about a little girl who hurt her leg and had to go to the hospital. I know, but I like a little light reading before I send my kids off to sleep and perchance have a nightmare or two. Monkey said ‘I don’t ever want to go to the hospital.’ Which brought up the story about how he’s already had to go to the hospital to get stitches in his chin when he was two years old and how the doctor had to strap him down to a papoose board, which made him look at Hubunit and I and scream at the top of his lungs (a considerable amount of lung power, that kid) ‘I’M STUCK DADDY, I’M STUCKI’MSTUCKSTUCKSTUCKSTUCKSTUCKSTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!‘ At which point the doctor frowned at the noise I was making so I had to leave the room because I was crying so hard. But telling him that story tonight was cute and funny and he loved hearing it.
Then ToughGuy quietly said ‘I’ve been in the hospital Mom.‘ And I stopped laughing and remembered reading in his medical history that he had been in the hospital for bronchitis at some point in his four years without me and I didn’t have any of the details, I couldn’t share that story with him and even though I asked him about it, he wasn’t really able to tell me much because he’s already forgotten so much of his history and I felt like someone had gut punched me. My little dude was in the hospital alone, without me. It hit Monkey pretty hard too. As it slowly sank in that ToughGuy had been in the hospital without us, he immediately got tears in his eyes and crawled over me to give his brother a hug and tell him that he has us and he’ll never be alone again.
Yeah.
About a month ago, while brushing his teeth before going to bed, ToughGuy and I had this conversation:
ToughGuy: I don’t want to go live back over there, Mommy. (waving his finger and pointing in a direction to indicate that other continent which includes the country of Hungary)
Me: Does that mean you like living here with us, ToughGuy?
ToughGuy: Oh yes Mom. I very much like being part of your family. If someone came and took me back there, I would be sad. But if you came and found me and brought me back here, I would be happy.
Me: No one is EVER going to take you away ToughGuy. This is home forever and ever and ever. Until you go to college. Then your little ass is out of here.
Kiss the ground? You mean THAT ground?
Published June 12, 2011 | Nothing amazing, just wanted to let everyone know we are HOME!!!
I was told that I would probably be kissing the ground, but the ground was at JFK and I couldn’t put my lips on it because I don’t know where it’s been.
But I did kiss my washing machine and now I have to go mack out with my car.
No energy left after two solid days of travel, a missed connecting flight and a night spent at the last smelly $300 hotel room in New York City, with no luggage and two kids.
But now we are home and all the strange and amazing things we’ve seen and done and eaten will have to wait for a post on another day.
Wanted everyone to know we are all safe, healthy and ToughGuy is truly amazing. Monkey kept walking around yesterday beaming from ear to ear while repeating ‘This is the best day, EVER.’
Ditto.
Legends of WINE ~ GIVEAWAY!!!
Published June 7, 2011 | Free WINE!! hehehe Now that we have your attention 
The girls of WMDA are doing a giveaway of our favorite product “WINE”. We are so honored to have been selected to host this fun giveaway for our kick ass readers!! Many of you know our dear friend Andrew Caldwell author extraordinaire of the wonderful cook book series “Their Last Suppers” WELL Andrew has done it again! His new endeavor called; “Legends Group” will be a series of wines featuring well known figures in history and their one and only current living legend, Ivana.
http://www.legendgrp.com/ http://www.ivanawine.com/
These Premier wines will feature Ivana as our only living legendary figure. Followed by Betty Paige and Amelia Earhart as part of the “Legends Collectibles” Editions.
They use only the finest selected grapes from the Winery at the Larson Family Winery, one of Sonoma’s, premier vineyards. They offer a beautiful rich, red, fruity classical Cabernet, and a wonderful, bright, crisp, zesty Chardonnay, much like Ivana herself.
We are so grateful to be a part of this special launch of these spectacular wines and in honor of this launch we are giving some of this incredible wine away! This first production will consist of 12,000 bottles and we yes we are proud to announce that we are getting some of the “first” bottles to share with our readers!!
So here is what you need to do to be eligible to win:
1)Leave a comment of course but you must tell us your favorite wine and why.
2) Share with the peoples and come back and tell us where you shared! Twitter / FB etc…
That’s it pretty simple!
Last day to enter will be June 14th ! Winner to be selected by Random Org and will be announced by Kristy on June 15th or June 16th depending on if a crazy thing called work gets in the way 
** Wine will be shipped direct from Winery! So hopefully you don’t live in one of those restricted states!
Oh ya and I am saving the best for last! We will be selecting a couple winners!! So enter as much as you want and spread the word!!
He’s Cute. It’s Official.
Published May 24, 2011 | We all know this adoption has been a tough process. Some of us know that more clearly than others. And by that, I mean me. And Hubunit. And Monkey. And ToughGuy.
So instead of focusing on the part of the process that is hard, today I’m happy to report, we had a GREAT day. Not because we went someplace super cool or did something super fun, but because today it really felt good to be a family of four.
Adopting an older child is not the same as adopting an infant. Infants are cute and cuddly. They coo and they babble and they don’t bend over and kiss the floor while asking you in hungarian to wipe their butts. As a very wise adoptive mother of a six year old just informed me, adults are genetically conditioned to fall in love with a baby, whereas it’s an older child’s job to bug the stuffing out of you.
After three weeks, I had very little stuffing left. And on Monday, I thought I had none and there was no store open to sell me some stuffing. So I did what any self respecting shell of a woman would do and I sat in the bathtub and cried. And somehow, thru those tears, I found stuffing. Lot’s of it. Don’t ask me how. It was a miracle. A truly genuine stuffing miracle.
I stopped fighting the process. I stopped looking thru hawk like eyes for fault. I stopped wondering, in the dark corners of the mind that no one admits to, if we’d made a mistake. I accepted. I gently hugged. I turned those hawk like eyes to the root of the problem rather than focusing on the behaviours the problem generated. It’s so obvious to me now and I am ashamed that it took me this long to see it.
And for the past two days, the only hard part of the process is to stop hugging. To stop laughing. To stop singing. Oh, and to stop staring at all the hooters on prominant display here in the Miskolc Metropolis.
We’ve found our joy. And it was half a world away. Right next to my stuffing.
Some Girls . . . do.
Published September 12, 2010 | I’m part of a local mom’s club. They let me in before anyone knew me and now they’re stuck with me. And I’m grateful that they still speak to me because it’s hard for me to make friends. Strike that. It’s hard for me to keep friends. But they love me even though in my application to join I put that my favorite thing about being a mom was getting to carry a purse large enough to have a Go Diego Go potty seat with me at all times.
Then our mom’s group started a book club. Which I love. Cause we all bring food and alchohol and sit around talking about the book we just read. Wait. You may already be familiar with that concept since that’s what a book club is. But as much as I’ve always loved to read, I’ve never been part of an organized book club, so it’s exciting for me. Except that I’m loud and obnoxious and I always end up shouting at someone because they didn’t have the same reaction to the story that I did. I really don’t play well with others.
This month our book choice is Some Girls, My Life in a Harem by Jillian Lauren. And it’s a loaded book, so I have really been looking forward to our discussion about it. Only now, the author is going to be there. At our little book club. Errr. Fuck. This is a recipe for disaster. And not just because it might be boring uncomfortable for this woman to enter the world of the suburban housewife in AWESOMETOWN.
The upside is, by the end of the book, I really liked this woman. Or girl. Or whatever she wants to call herself now. Me? I’m more of a gal. That’s sad, right? But try as I will, there is just no girl left in me. Or style. Which Jillian Lauren seems to have in spades. She appears to be a gutsy chick with loads of the kind of style that appears effortless and which no matter how much I try, I can never achieve.
Take today for example, where I was the only woman at a midday babyshower who chose to wear high heeled black boots. Awwww man. I’m guessing Jillian wouldn’t have done that. So I’m reserving judgement until after I actually meet her, but she may need to become the voice in my head, just like Peggy was for her.
If you haven’t read the book, you should. I’ll admit, I was a little put off in the beginning. Cause ya know, other people’s selfishness is so annoying. Not like your own, which makes perfect sense and can actually be quite interesting. But the more I read, the more of myself I saw on the page. Plus I absolutely loved her dedication to her husband - love redeems all. I think that’s what it was. Those are powerful words right there. And I’m thankful that I know exactly what she means when she says it.
In the end, I think it’s a story about a gift. The gift that knowledge and experience and time and love bring us when we finally realize that we don’t have to be defined by our choices. We can allow them to be what we’ve done, not who we are.
So mostly, I guess I’ll just sit in the corner with my plate of bacon and try to keep quiet. Cause I don’t want to have to throw down in front of Jillian.
Do Fun Stuff (or why bother)
Published August 31, 2010 | 
This is my motto for the day!
One of our friends, Ryan (that some of you probably read – and if you don’t, should) has been working on an AWESOME project. I mean not just a little awesome … BIG FAT INSPIRATIONAL AWESOME! REALLY!!
I’ll stop yelling now, but seriously … did I mention … it’s awesome?
He has put together one of the best kid/parent/adults albums with some great bands and as if the music wasn’t fun enough to stand on it’s own, it’s got 100% of the proceeds going to a very worthwhile cause – Smith Magenis Syndrome (SMS). It’s call Do Fun Stuff and can be found on iTunes. Yesterday it hit the number one spot in the childrens music genre on iTunes and was battling with Yo Gabba Gabba for that spot throughout the afternoon.
I can’t get the widget to show up on our blog, but I can link to Ryan’s entry (Pacing The Panic Room) where you can listen to the songs and read the story behind why he did this project. Also here: dofunstuff.net
Here is a link to just one post that sums up why I love Ryan (his writing and his family). You’ll hear his voice as well as see a video of Cole, LB and Tessa that will truly melt your heart and make you want to have every person you know buy a copy of this album.
I have been reading and watching LB grow up for the past couple of years and have no reservations in buying this cd right now in order to help start some case studies to learn more about this disease. Ryan and his family are a shining example of what love in a family can do and I’m jumping on their band wagon with both feet.
I hope you’ll enjoy it enough to hop on with me too.
Click the image to the right in this post to go to the iTunes page where you can purchase your copy TODAY! I thank you in advance 
.
We have a Winner!!
Published February 26, 2010 | We had an AWESOME response to the book giveaway we launched last week. 61 entries – I think that’s a new high for us on Where’s My DAMN Answer? I guess we aren’t the only ones that find the food and history combo very interesting .
So for those of you who missed it … this is the book we’re giving away …
… so as we normally do, we used random.org to choose the LUCKY winner. :: drum roll ::
… and the winner is … comment no. 19 (out of 61): Kaitlin from Whisk Kid! Kaitlin, I’d watch your back girl … there were a lot of folks that wanted to win this one – haha. We’ll be in touch with you directly to get your mailing address.
So for those of you who were NOT so lucky … you can purchase your own copy of the book on the author’s site for $19.95 (plus shipping).
Thank you all for entering. Obviously we need more food/history give-a-ways. This one was FUN!! A big thank you to Andrew Caldwell for allowing us to share the book with our happy and loyal readers.
Intelligent retreat … or going down with the ship?
Published February 10, 2010 | 
I was recently talking with a friend who had to close down their business – VERY sad day. She was telling me that she felt like a failure because she couldn’t make the money to pay her business expenses. She’s not alone. In fact, she’s not the only one. I’ve talked about restructuring my jewelry business early in 2009 to put it a little further back on the burners.
Luckily I am blessed with talents that allow me to roll myself into something that will make money in RKN Studio. I’m not saying that to brag … just that during tough times we have to re-evaluate and figure out a way to make ends meet.
I just read a great little side article in Entrepreneur Magazine this month titled Closing Time. Here are three tips that Jennifer Wang gave to know when it’s time to raise the white flag and do something different:
You find yourself positively spinning–or outright denying–the negative numbers.
Entrepreneurs tend to be optimistic, and in the face of bad results, there’s a tendency to think, “Just a bit longer.” But Barry Staw, a professor at UC Berkeley’s Haas School of Business who has studied how often escalate commitment to failing endeavors, warns: “Don’t be the person who needs to be hit over the head with a sledgehammer. The longer you keep going, the harder it will be to withdraw–and the more money you’re probably going to lose.”Nobody else thinks it’s a good investment.
Would you put into the business as it is now? Ask others for an honest answer and take the nos seriously. “You should never sit on a stock unless you’re willing to put in new money for it, and the same thing goes for a business,” Staw says. “Many entrepreneurs have both successes and failures under their belts. There’s no point in betting your whole entrepreneurial life on a single venture.”You passed your “quit” threshold a while ago.
Every business is different, so there’s no universal cutoff that marks when you should call it quits. But while things are good, impose a limit on yourself (number of months in the red, a total debt amount, the moment you consider dipping into your kid’s college fund). Write it down and stick to it. Otherwise, you’ll keep changing your story. “It’s far easier to make logical decisions before things start falling apart,” Staw says. “Remember, an intelligent retreat isn’t the same thing as failure.”
After I read this article I re-thought my decision early in 2009 and realized that it was a very smart idea to put My Little Pretty on the back burner. I’m still working to pay off some of the debt that I incurred with doing trade shows, etc. but I never compromised my families livelihood or spent Zac’s college fund. Honestly – I’m still doing SOME business with My Little Pretty … just not as much and one day, I believe I will still be able to sell what I have built to someone who loves the branding and designs that I have already done .
It was (and still is at times) a tough decision to make … but the fact that RKN Studio is growing leaps and bounds since we launched it tells me that we’re on the right track.
What tough decisions were you forced to make that have turned into the best decision you could have made?
Andy Rooney’s Ode to Women over 40
Published February 3, 2010 | Andy Rooney’s Ode to Women Over 40
I found this one over at merlot mom by info@merlotmom.com (merlotmom) and thought if you missed it on 60 minutes as I did, it was well worth sharing in a blog post:
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’, here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
GO ANDY! GO ANDY!
Real Help for Haiti!
Published January 25, 2010 | Life has been a little hectic lately. I’m sure you all can relate to that though – I am not telling you anything you don’t already know. Sometimes, even when we are the MOST busy … something happens that brings your world to a crystal clear picture of what is truly important.
For the past couple of years – I have been reading the story of an awesome family (now in Houston) that have been going through the process of adopting two children from Haiti. They brought their daughter Story home the end of 2009 and were still waiting to bring their son Amos home when the earthquake hit. As soon as I saw the news coverage of the earthquake, I immediately thought of Jamie and Aaron Ivey. How hard it must have been to not know if your son was ok.
Aaron is a musician and this is a music video that he did about the process of waiting for their children – it’s very touching … especially once you hear what I have to tell you next … wait … don’t go anywhere before you watch the video first.
… are you done tearing up yet? Ok then I can continue sharing this amazing story. Last week, they finally got to bring Amos home. You can read about that on Jamie’s blog. Such an awesome post!! I was crying as I read it – especially being an adoptive mother myself.
Amos and Story are lucky that they got to come home to their family – there are a lot of other children who are still there and need help.
I know that there is a lot of speculation on which charities that you can and cannot give to in order to be sure that the money is going to those who truly need it. There is a link on Aaron’s blog to purchase Help Haiti t-shirts and 100% of the profits are going to two VERY worthwhile organizations Real Hope for Haiti and Heartline. They are organizations that are there in Haiti and are directly working with the people that need help the most. They are running low on resources and truly need the help. I urge you to take a minute and order a Help Haiti tshirt for each member of your family (I am doing the same).
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