Last week I snuck away for a few days to Maui.  Hubby bought me a guilt ticket to hang with my girlfriend and her family for a few days and I gratefully accepted.  Backing up a smidge, Hubby has had a ton of guy trips this year including the one he is on now to Alaska and he was well… feeling guilty    During my few days of R and R my girlfriend had a book sitting on the table of the condo where we were staying called “Heaven is for Real” by Todd Burpo. I was intrigued by the name and was instantly drawn to the cover and this adorable little man who’s smile was so big and so bright.  Now I  confess that my literary skills are very low these days and to me reading a book is usually better than a Tylenol PM.  For some reason though, call it divine intervention this one was really tugging on me and for good reason.

Now, I don’t want to give too much away but the long and the short of it is this:  A little boy named Colton was in emergency life threatening surgery and miraculously survived.  Truly though, the incredible part is what happens during recovery and the story that emerges over the many months that followed ~ a story detailing Coltons trip to heaven and back.  Now this little Man, Colton who is not even 4 years old begins telling his Mom and Dad what heaven was like.  His account and story it is truly remarkable.  The knowledge he had was unthinkable and at times head scratching,  as much of what he shared he could not have even know unless he was actually in heaven.   OK no more insight into the book I don’t want to give too much away

Here is where my AH HA answer for me comes in: About 13 years ago I had a miscarriage at about 14 weeks and it was heartbreaking for me,  as it is for anyone.  Over the years I played that very dangerous “what if ” game, DAMN do I hate that game and I am sure you can imagine there has and always will be a very big hole in my heart from this loss.   Well, in the story Colton tells his Mom that he met his Big Sister and he loved her, he was missing her and he wanted to know why she did not have a name.  Come to find out a little later that Coltons Mom had a miscarriage and him having knowledge of this was impossible as he was only 3 and well that is not something you discuss with a child. They never named the baby but from what I gather from his story “she” knows that someday she will be with Mom and Dad again and that they will finally give her a name.   It was like a wave of relief came over me as I was reading that part of the book ~ That my unborn child really is still very much alive and that someday I will meet him or her.   I know that I am not doing a great job articulating how this felt to me at that moment but tears streamed down my face and a huge sense of peace came over me.  You see I was not able to try again or have a child due to many circumstances but at least now due to this book and my faith I really do feel that someday I will be a Mom.

I am still searching for many many more answers in this crazy thing call life ~  but thankfully I am happy to share that a big one at least for me has been answered.

The Book again is “Heaven is for Real”  A little boy’s astonishing story of his trip to Heaven and back

By Todd Burpo AKA Dad