Dear Yia Yia,
I realize that Monkey is your beloved grandson. I know that you live to shower him with kisses and quarters. I turn a blind eye when you feed him candy and sweets. I merely shake my head when you bring him odd little presents, like a package of tennis balls or a mini tape measurer keychain that slices his tiny fingers to ribbons when it shoots back into it’s holder at the speed of light. Heck, I don’t even raise an eyebrow when you drop off the neon blue matching jogging suit, even though there must be a naked 80 year old mall walker out there somewhere getting really cold.
But today you crossed the line. Today you brought him a stuffed Rudolph reindeer, with a lite-up nose. And he sings. At a volume of ELEVEN. And your grandson won’t stop playing with him.
Grandma, I love you, but seriously? Right now, there is murder in my heart. Next time I see you, the gazillionth playing of that song may make me snap and beat your head in with the cute little lite-up nose and those ridiculous antler nubs.
And dammit, this thing is too big to flush down the toilet. But I guess it will make a nice display as exhibit #1 on the prosecution table during the murder trial. If i can get even one daughter-in-law on that jury panel, I’m pretty sure I’ll walk.
Sincerely,
Your loving Lindaloohoo.
Nancy Ruth Berube on 
Hippo Brigade on 
Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer on 
OhMyHead on 
4 Comments
hhahah … I used to HATE the noisy toys that Zac would get. I swear, it’s like people stand in the toy aisle and say, “what toy can I get that will drive Kristy absolutely bat shit crazy” and then throw it in their cart before some other “friend” buys it. Maybe if you put it in the oven the noisemaker would melt?
Hahaha - I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to rip the noise making thing right out of the toy! That is so funny!!! I think these are a conspiracy against parents and in my case AUNTS!!
Ahahha HAhAHHA hahahah , I can totally relate to THAT! Thankfully my son is well past the toys that make crazy noise phase!!
You could pull my “horrible mom” move - just remove the batteries and tell him it’s broken! Has worked for me on numerous occasions. If they ask to check the batteries we are always conveniently out.