Sharron has been a guest blogger in da DAMN house before, and always lively. As I had mentioned before she not only is a kick ass business woman running her Sports Breather business, but does yoga 3 times a week and makes a mean meatloaf. And well, she’s my mom. And I absolutely adore her, so she’s throwing caution to the wind this week and asking you guys a couple of DAMN questions about dating - let’s see what advice we can help her out with!
Where have all the young men gone?
Or perhaps should I ask, “Where have all the old men gone?”
The old Pete Seeger folk song from the 60’s says “gone to graveyards, every one”. But the song was referring to the Viet Nam war.
The challenges of dating are many, at any age. At 65, they are daunting.
Here are just a few examples of what I have had to contend with:
First of all, the pool of available men in this age bracket is SO small it is almost nonexistent. And, of course, at this age, women outnumber men by an amazing number. Many of the men have died of early heart attacks, and any number of other ailments and calamities.
And for sure, the Viet Nam war did claim a lot of them…then and even now, it still does. One of the things to beware of is someone who is still living that horror. And believe me, they are out there.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is an ongoing and horrible thing for the men suffering it, but, at this point in my life, I just don’t need to deal with someone with this problem. May sound harsh, but well…
One of my first questions for any possible relationship is “Were you in the service?” Then I proceed to gently probe some more and sometimes decide against a second date.
Recently, I met a very nice guy who was a Marine who served in Viet Nam. He walked point during the war and saw many awful things. One of the worst stories that he told me was when he and some others returned to San Francisco in 1968, and people threw apples and other garbage at them anc called them “baby killers”.
Also, many of the available men have so things wrong with them physically, that they are just looking for someone to take care of them for the next 20 years…….No thanks.
And if you can believe it…there are a huge number of men in this age bracket that are channeling Marlon Brando in “The Wild One”. The number of pictures that I see, on the dating websites, of men on motorcycles with the full beard and pony tail is amazing. Most with a huge gut hanging over their belt. It just makes you wonder who they think will find them appealing.
I actually had an email from a guy who looked like the one of the long bearded guys from ZZ Top. Heck, maybe it was…and maybe I should have answered him! Naw, he probably spent all his money on drugs in the 70’s.
A few other things to make you think twice before getting even marginally involved - He’s never been married??? What? At this age??? Or, married 3 or 4 times…whoops! (What’s the story there…) Well, if all the wives are dead, why? And if all have been through divorce - I find myself saying “Oh my, really scary.” And my only thought is “What is really wrong with you?”
So, my question to you, dear WMDA readers are “Where have all the old men gone?” and “What’s a girl to do?”
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7 Comments
Im a single girl too. I am stuck out here in this awful dating pool of less than desirable men to chose from! I wish I had some good advice for you, but I’m fresh out of ideas!
hahah … oh my … this is a BIG question.
My grandma was a widow early. In fact, I was only 10 when my grandpa died. She never remarried. She always had “men friends” but even those were mostly attached to other women and she just borrowed them to go to a wedding with. One time I asked why she never married and she said, “I spent enough time worried about doing the right thing that I don’t ever want to be tied down again - all I want is a man who likes to dance at weddings/parties with me and then goes home to their OWN place. All I care about is … what kind of condition are their knees”.
I think as you get older, your outlook on dating changes. We are a lot more realistic about life and don’t want to put up with anyone else’s BS, baggage, kids, stepkids, granchildren, etc. I certainly don’t miss being in the dating pool.
I bet if we ALL put our heads together we could write a best selling novel just based on dates we’ve had. Then when we got that big publishing check … we could build a compound and forget about all the freaks on the outside
Maybe you should have a questionnaire that you have them answer before they even get to talk to you to filter out one level of freaked-ness?
oh sharron. i have seen the women who find that zz top dude attractive and it ain’t pretty. there should be a law against wearing leather in public at a certain age. especially leather with safety pins holding it together.
my grandmother was the same as kristy’s. after my mean old grandpa died, she had several proposals in her 60’s and didn’t think twice about turning down all of them. she was HAPPY to be footloose and fancy free.
but hmmm. my advice to you is: try the bowling alley. sweetie, old guys love to bowl. attend even one senior pba tour event and i guarantee you will be swept off your feet. in silver and blue shoes.
Wow, I never knew there was such a dearth of good men out there… though what you said makes sense for those over 60. My mom wasn’t wanting to do that herself, so I wasn’t familiar with the issues that you face. I can’t help but laugh at “The Wild One” reference. I don’t get it either, but there are plenty of gals who want a guy like that.
The only thing I could recommend, from my limited perspective, is to do the things you love and try to meet someone in those environments. Explore your hobbies, take classes, go to exhibits and arts things, volunteer. Whatever is up your alley. I never really dated, as my husband and I have been together since we were basically kids, but I always assumed from watching other friends that this was the way to meet someone. Focus on your own loves right now and the right people will come to you, friends or otherwise.
Good to hear from you Jody’s mom! You raised a fantastic daughter. I adore her like mad.
GREAT post! I can’t imagine the troubles and tribulations of finding a man to enjoy life with at this stage in life… And they say we are the ones with snakes in our heads…hmph!
I am not dissing anything the men from the Vietnam war era went through…absolutely not! I just think that at a certain stage in life we all deserve to find happiness and let the monsters from our closets free ~
I wish you the best in your search ~ I am sure you are one kick ass mama!!!! Wish that I knew of someone to introduce you to who was worthy of you…
Peace and Blessings!
I wish I could offer some advice to you. But I can give you a good laugh and let you know that it’s not only happening here in the US. My boyfriend is from New Zealand and his father, whom still resides there, has just built a house with a cottage attached by a garage. The reason I tell you this is because his ex-wife who is 10 years older than him is living in the cottage and his girlfriend lives in the house with him. They take family vacations together, etc. It blows my mind, but I guess this just goes to prove the comment earlier that your views, wants and needs change the older you get. PS. I have made sure my boyfriend knows that S*!* doesn’t fly here, LOL. Check out Scottsdale, we have several friends that are in thier 60’s that live there in the winter. Good Luck!!!
Thank you guys for chiming in…and the bits of advice…oh, yeah, a questionaire…hadn’t thought of that. And maybe I do need to move to a place where retirees congregate…or probably just quit worrying about it…which I’m really not, just wanted to share the trials and tribulations (and funny stuff) of the situation. Thanks to all of you, Sharron