Who’s in da DAMN House Wednesday? - Lori Culwell (Funny Strange)

Introduction by our very own Kristy Nuttall:

Our guest blogger today is my friend Lori Culwell.  She’s someone I met years ago at one of the charity events that I put on - Spa Boutique for a Cure.  She was writing a story on the event for Splash Magazine.  Little did I know when we met that we’d become friends and do something that most angeleno’s never do … STAY IN TOUCH - haha.  Lori is an awesome writer and I read both of her blogs daily (FunnyStrange and SofaCoins will help you save money today).  If you aren’t already a fan … you will be after you read her guest post today.  Oh … and did I mention she’s the author of the book we’re giving away this week? She is … :-D.  You don’t have much time to enter before the drawing … when you stop laughing at her … uh … I meant to say, at her POST … you should jump over to the entry for the drawing and leave a comment so you will have a chance to win … and YES … you can leave multiple comments.  With all that being said … I now proudly introduce you to my personal friend … :: drum roll please :: Lori Culwell!!

So….hi! I’m Lori Culwell, and I’ll be your guest blogger for today. I am the author of two books (this novel and this non-fiction book), I work on websites, and I also do the blog Funny Strange, where I can often be found writing about things that I find, well, funny and strange. This has included (but has by no means been limited to) my seeing the late Dom Deluise at a yard sale (before his passing of course), a series of photos of people dressed as clowns, Monday morning Saturday Night Live analyses, “Top Ten” lists of all variety, and references to the fact that I went to high school with the ex-husband of “The Cougar,” with some book promotion thrown in for flavor.

On Cooking, Novels, and Cheerios….

The other day I took a photo of a Cheerios box and sent it to myself for the purposes of writing about it on my blog.  Everyone does stuff like that, right?   I like to tell myself that everyone takes pictures of things like weird street signs and cereal boxes for the purposes of writing about them, but I’m pretty sure that’s not the case.

Thank goodness the internet has made it so I can shed light on my weirdness, like how I find cetain things amusing, and (of course) my crazy food phobia  which has necessitated an in-depth study of the “Restaurant Ratings” section of the Los Angeles Department of Health website, to determine where I might actually be willing to eat sushi.

I decided that the Cheerios discussion would most certainly transfer to this blog, since food is a topic of discussion here, right?  RIGHT?   It really isn’t about Cheerios, though I do love eating cereal, especially for dinner.  You know how they say that after awhile, one person in the couple takes over a task, and then the other person loses this skill altogether?  This has happened with my husband and I — he no longer pays bills, and I have forgotten how to cook (that is, if I ever knew it the first place).  Which brings me back to cereal.   Because a ) I have lost the ability to cook food and b) I am almost always afraid to eat something I have cooked, when my husband has to go somewhere, I can most likely be found at one of the “A” rated food places in my neighborhood, or in my kitchen, eating cereal, which is what I was doing the other night when I noticed the side of the Cheerios box.

Ah– here’s the topic.  Here it is!  Like an elusive groundhog.    While eating cereal for dinner the other night, I noticed (by reading the Cheerios box) that Cheerios is doing this campaign that I think is supposed to rival the “lower your cholesterol” campaign that Quaker Oats did a year or so ago.  Turns out Cheerios (which, in case you didn’t know, is also made of oats) can ALSO lower your cholesterol if you eat it instead of, say, bacon and eggs every day for breakfast.  Go figure!   As part of this campaign, Cheerios is encouraging you to take the “six week challenge,” wherein you would presumably have your cholesterol checked, then eat Cheerios every morning for breakfast for six weeks, then have your cholesterol checked again.  Frankly, this sounds like alot of doctor visits and blood draws for a breakfast cereal-inspired health challenge, but that is not even the most amusing part about this to me.  The “funny strange” in this, ladies and gentlemen, is the list of OTHER things the Cheerios people have suggested I could also do in six weeks– a list that, I think you’ll agree, is so arbitrary as to be absurd.   Did they go with something standard that people would agree takes about six weeks, like taking a class or finishing up a big project at work?

No, they did not.  Here is what the Cheerios people have chosen to put under the heading “Things That Take Six Weeks.”  These are the things that came up during the big brainstorm at Cheerios headquarters.

Actual Cheerios copy: In the time it takes for your new couch to arrive, you’d be sitting at a more comfortable cholesterol level.

My notes: Huh?  The last new couch I got was from Pottery Barn.  Of course, it did take them two days to deliver it, but that was because I didn’t want to pay for weekend delivery.   So– six weeks for a couch, really?  Is this how long it takes if you custom order a couch?  Also, I am disturbed by the sound of “sitting on a more comfortable cholesterol level.”   This doesn’t seem medically sound OR very sanitary, frankly.

Actual Cheerios copy: “By the time you’d read that novel cover to cover, you could start a new chapter in heart health.”

My notes: Again, huh?   Isn’t a novel by its very nature supposed to be a fast read?  Is this a BAD novel we’re talking about?   I’d say a self-help book with exercises or a cookbook would be a better candidate for six weeks cover to cover.   Speaking of novels, I wrote one that definitely won’t take you six weeks to read.

Actual Cheerios copy: “Or in the time it takes your child to finish her Shakespeare report, you could report a lower cholesterol level.”

My notes: A third time, huh?  Doesn’t this student have access to Wikipedia?   Who is in charge of making sure this child does her homework?  I’m just saying, it never took me six weeks to write a Shakespeare report, and I grew up before the internet, people.  Also– I think if they were going to mention Shakespeare, they should’ve made the copy itself sound Shakespearan, like “Nay, in the passing of three fortnights’ hence, thou shalt clear thy blood humors and vent thy spleen!”  Really, don’t you think this sounds better?  I say if you’re going to go Shakespeare, go FULL ON SHAKESPEARE.

And that, my friends, is a typical blog post in Funny Strange land.  Also, I think you should totally sign up to win a copy of my novel, or maybe follow me on Twitter.  Who knows what I will photograph next?