I read somewhere, in an article written by the devil, that if I just go up and down my house stairs for 15 minutes a day, it will re-define my, uh, life. OK, it will re-define my not-a-twenty-year-old’s ass. Oh yes, the devil pinkie-swore it would too fix my ass.
And I thought, 15 minutes? Pshaw, I can do anything for 15 minutes. So I set the kitchen timer, ran to the stairs and bounded up them. Down. Up. Down. Ran up them. Down. Up. Down. Walked up them. Down. Up. Down. Crawled up them. Down. Up. Down. Looked at them. Down. Up. Down.
Thought for sure that must be 15 minutes, because I couldn’t think anything else over the deafeningly shrill scream coming from my thighs. And my lungs. And that very tender spot right at the base of my throat that was trying to drown out all the other shrill screaming by whispering ‘Listen up bitch, I may just close down completely unless you stop this shit right now.’ Cranky little tender spot that sold it’s soul to the devil for a ding-dong.
So I huffed my way into the kitchen to check the timer, while gasping for breath and yet feeling slightly virtuous at the same time. Turns out it had only been seven minutes.
I think I must know now what the walking undead feel like. Or would that be a zombie? I am so not up on that whole debate, but I’m pretty sure The Bloggess can straighen it out for us here.
I’m going to try again today, because thankfully, god has allowed me to buy a really comfy couch where I can sit and see the stairs block out the pain.
Nancy Ruth Berube on 
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Cathy - wheresmydamnanswer on 
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5 Comments
I have done the stairmonster and it’s just not all it’s cracked up to be. I mean you go up, you go down, you go up, you go down. My eyes feel a little bit stronger but it didn’t do jack for my ass. What? You have to WALK up them? Oh no wonder. I just sat on the couch and stared at them.
Now I’m off to watch an hour of Yoga. I feel myself getting more limber already.
15 minutes of stairs?
I would not last 1 minute. My knees suck.
hahah … I should try that … right after I kick my brothers but in the Wii Family War. I’m AWESOME at the step class on there now. I have killer rhythm
did you ever find your answer? I have been walking in circles for five years ( the big late life divorce thing) asking the powers that be, for a new direction to go so I can start to go somewhere again. After a lifetime of raising kids, getting an education, making things happen for everyone else…I now do not know where my answer or direction is. I feel I have become a dodge-um car in life. I use to be the horse with the fishing pole over her head, hung with the carrot. It was never what am I going to do today…but how much can I get done.
Do you know how many people die from falling down the stairs each year? Clearly the devil wants you to die. Ignore the devil. Also, put a lot of pillows at the bottom of the stairs just in case.